These books didn’t emerge from a single chapter of my career, but they all circle the same truth: working with humans starts with upgrading yourself. Not through performance, but through honesty, emotional range, and perspective.

The Stone & Heen books (Thanks for the Feedback and Difficult Conversations) came into my life during a period where I was learning — repeatedly and sometimes painfully — that I can’t control all that much except how I relate to a situation. That shift from “I don’t like this, it shouldn’t be happening” to “what’s actually going on here, and what are my options?” was one of the hardest pivots I’ve ever made.

These books helped me step back from the visceral reaction and see more of the chessboard so I could choose my next move with intention, not just instinct.

A little later came the reckoning with power dynamics…

For most of my career, I’ve had a deep allergy to organizational politics — especially the kind where polish is valued more than substance. My whole professional identity has been built around getting sh*t done. First alone, then with a team, then through leaders I developed. Power, by contrast, felt performative, slippery, and vaguely repulsive.

That’s why 7 Rules of Power is a book I love to hate and hate to love, depending on the day. There’s an uncomfortable honesty in it: the kind you want to look away from but can’t. The rules aren’t aspirational, but they ring true. And learning to navigate the reality of how power works, without losing sight of the kind of culture I want to build, is probably a practice I’ll be refining for the rest of my career.

Which brings me to Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps…

This book reminds me how easily we flatten reality into false binaries — right/wrong, good/bad, smart/stupid — especially under stress. Humans crave simplicity, but leadership rarely grants it. We live in a messy, colorful world where multiple things can be true at once. The more I can hold that complexity, the more effective (and compassionate) I can be with others.

So while I put these books under the category of “Working with Humans,” they’re really about something deeper: how to work with yourself so you can work better with other messy, complicated, brilliant humans, most of whom you have very little control over.

These books helped me widen my lens, soften my reactivity, and engage the reality in front of me rather than the one I wish existed. And from that place, the work becomes more honest, more humane, and more impactful.